Tuesday, April 24, 2012

it's official...

i'm leaving toronto. god, it was hard to type those words. i'm leaving a neighborhood, an apartment, and a city i love. given that it's been a year since i graduated and i've found no real work, i just can't stay here. i'm moving back home. i hate that i couldn't make it work. i hate that i'm leaving. and i hate that i'm going back to a city i really just don't like. *i'm listening to this song a lot lately it just makes me cry harder, but i'm in love with it*

i went and told my landlord yesterday and truly felt sick to my stomach all morning thinking about. as weird as it sounds, i felt like i was about to breakup with someone. i walked in his office and i think i managed to get about 6 words out before i started bawling my eyes out (oh god, here they come again). he came around from his desk and gave me a big hug (did i mention he's a great landlord and we got to know each other over the 5 years. oh, and he loves chloe). i tried to get my words out through the tears that wouldn't stop and eventually i did. we talked for a good hour and i think he may have even had a tear in his eye. last summer, he even tried helping me find work; he asked around to his friends and what not. like i said, good guy. i left his office and went back up to my apart and it felt really weird. it's all of a sudden so real and i don't like it.

the silver lining to this is that....me and dylan are moving in together. after almost 6 years of being together, and 5 of those being 'long distance' (well, an hour apart), we'll finally be in the same city again. make that the same house together, though we have yet to find a place. while i'm definitely excited about this new phase, right now it's kind of overshadowed by overwhelming sadness. i'll have more to say on us in the future, but right now i'm still kind of numb to the fact that i've actually given my notice and this is really happening.

so, on june 30th i'll be leaving the place i really grown up, where i spent my early 20's, the place i studied countless hours for exams, the place where i trained a dog all on my own, the place where i cooked so many meals in my minuscule kitchen, the place me and dylan made so many memories, and the place that was my own...i'll be leaving it 6 weeks shy of 5 years.

my home may be the city where i grew up and where i'm moving back to, but my heart will always be in this city.


Life Abroad said...

I'm sorry to hear you're leaving Toronto! I know how you are feeling - I felt that way when I had to leave Amsterdam. It's hard, but it sounds wonderful that you and Dylan will finally be in the same city and living together!

danielle said...

Totally understand... it's tough. I like how you said it feels like you are breaking up, it gets to the pit of your stomach for sure. But change is keeping you alive :)

safire said...

I'm sorry that you are sad about leaving a city you love. I know I was petrified moving from Pennsylvania to Florida because of my boyfriend's job and not knowing ANYONE.

Best of luck!

Amanda said...

Breaking my heart, Bree! I'm so so so sad for you! I know you're trying to look on the bright side, but hopefully it'll get better once you've moved. Change is hard (no shit Sherlock, I know), but something great will come of this. Promise!

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