Wednesday, May 25, 2011

confession and such...

i have a little confession to make; i'm a terrible communicator. when something is bothering me, i keep my mouth shut. i keep it all to myself. i know it's not healthy. and it drives dylan crazy. why wouldn't it? we're supposed to be partners in this crazy thing called life, but it's like i'm shutting him out for parts of it. it's like there's something stopping me from opening my mouth and letting it all out. lately, i've been having little pity parties for myself. i cry. i think about jobs. and how i'm going to keep my apartment while paying back atrocious loans. because i really, really want to stay where i am. i still don't know what i want to do. and that's the million dollar question everyone asks now that i'm done school. i don't have much of a resume. i often think, who the hell is going to hire me? then i see my friends going on all these awesome trips (but also going in debt for them, something i'm almost positive i'm not willing to do), getting jobs in no time, and their life is just coming together perfectly it seems. and mine is falling apart. well, that's rather drastic, yes. my life is by no means falling apart..but sometimes it feels like i'm never going to get anywhere. the stress and anxiety of this whole process is now physically affecting me in more ways than one. if i'm this nervous while putting my resume together and and looking online for jobs, how the hell am i going to be when/if i get an interview. pass the ativan! (joking).

 this is just part of life. some people handle it better than others. some people can hide their nerves during interviews and look all cool, calm, and collected. others may appear cool on the outside, but be trembling on the inside. and then there's people like me. who are a nervous wreck inside and out. there's nothing i can do about it, but try and move past it and work through it. because as much as i think about running away to europe and forgetting everything, that's not reality.

derek hough tweeted this yesterday, and it kind of fits perfectly with what dylan was telling me while i was bawling my eyes out on monday: "challenges & obstacles are part of life, share them. let people who love you have the opportunity to show you how much they care."

6 comments:

s1814 said...

As someone who has been where you are all I can say is don't worry, everything will work out. Leaving school is tough, but just know that there is really no deadline to getting things sorted out and finding that dream job. You can't limit yourself and just sit at home and worry, post resumes online for everything, but don't be afraid to take those part-time low paying jobs until you find what you want. You will get through this funk! :)

Dylan said...

Thank you s1814 - Breanne needs this sort of advice from more people than just myself.

Breanne, I love you, and as long as we are together we'll make it through to the end - and we'll have a hell of a good time along the way. Keep at it babe.

- D

Kim Humes said...

Aw dude, I'm sorry you are so stressed! But don't be so hard on yourself - I know it's a really scary overwhelming time right now but don't pressure yourself more than you need to! Everyone's situation is different and just because your friends seem to have it all together doesn't mean that they do. You have to do what you feel is right for you and you don't have to have it all figured out. Trust me, NONE of us have it figured out. That's life and that's ok! Listen to what your gut is telling you to do, keep plugging away and you WILL find a job. It may not be a dream, but look at everything as a learning experience. Slowly but surely you will build up experience and contacts and it will get easier. Remember to keep your mind open and positive and you will be fine!

Kim Humes said...

And I have a confession too - I totally suck at interviews too, you're not alone!! I hate them. They make me so nervous and uncomfortable. I wish I had a quick fix for getting through them, but all I can suggest is that you go in there as prepared as you can bc this will give you confidence and they at least can't say you are not professional. And just be yourself, not the person you think they want you to be. Sometimes things will click, sometimes they won't and that's just the way it is. It doesnt mean you suck, it just means that job was not the one for you. Again just think positive and breath!

Life Abroad said...

Hi Bree,

Glad to see another Canadian blog too! This post exactly describes how I have felt since graduating from my undergrad. It's so difficult to figure out what to do, especially when work experience is limited and loans are piling up. My answer was to go back to school, do an MBA, and now law school. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, but the alternative would be trying to find a minimum wage job with the limited work experience I have. I guess the main thing is to realize that even if your initial job isn't your dream "career", it will be a stepping stone to bigger and better things, all while expanding your network and hopefully giving you time to figure things out.

kirsten said...

i completely understand what you are going through. it took me awhile to find a job and the one that i have only lasts a year (since its still partly education) and i am already stressing about trying to find another one once this job ends. you should relax by eating delicious pancakes! :)

Related Posts with Thumbnails